Before I get into the meaning of this post...
I gave up on blogging a few months ago because I thought that it was not worth my time. I was hoping to one day earn money by generating viewers and selling products, and since I wasn't making any money, I wasn't making any posts smh. Today I have a changed my mind about that and I will tell you why. I have been through a real battle with my mind the last couple of days. I really have not been my jokingly self in about a week. I have been under attack by Satan and his bag of tricks, but a few blogs and you tube videos of my favorite people help reinforce what I already knew. So God has put it in my heart to continue to blog, even if it only reaches one person it will be well worth the time. This post very personal and it written from the point of view of a believer of GOD, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. If you are not a believer then this post might be a waste of your time. If you are a person dealing with mental health, please don't be offended by my beliefs.
Every since I was a child I would always have vivid imaginations. If I were to see something on T.V., I would always try to put myself into the characters place, not to crazy for a kid right? Well as I got older I would do the same thing, the only thing different is that I would put myself into the victims place. I would do it so much that I would play it in head as if it was really happening, but eventually it would pass. This week my brother in law got his hand caught inside of a machine at work, and it messed me up soooo bad. I won't get to graphic but he it's going to take him some time to get better. I begin to play what happened over and over again in my head so much that I literally felt like it had happened to me. I haven't been eating (which is a big deal for me), talking much, and the only times that I would sleep is when I take something. I had so much anxiety built up in me that I felt like I was slowly dying from these thoughts. My brother in law is doing better than me! My body started to ache and pain shot from one place to another, and this is when I got serious. I know God and what he has done in my life. I know who Satan is and I've always said that a lot of our mental health problems are apart of his tricks. This battle really took me there, and I knew that I was going to have to seek GOD and do exactly what his words commanded or my wife was gonna have to admit me into a hospital.
What Did I DO?
Now at this point I knew that I was going to need a word from GOD or I was really going to check myself in a hospital. I told Felicia that if I'm not myself soon, I'm going to check myself into somewhere because I'm loosing it. This anxiety thing is a little deeper than a chemical imbalance, this feels like deep rooted evil, soul snatching, spiritual warfare. This is something that a pill was not going to fix, but I know what would. I was almost about to say....God ain't really trying to hear me on this one, but I snapped out of that quickly. So I did what I sometimes forget to do... Prayed!
Im not talking regular chit chat prayer, Im talking GOD is all I got praying. I prayed until I just ran out of words and I still felt terrible. I then turned to different blogs and read up on anxiety and demonic attacks. I felt a little better because it explained exactly what was going on. Then I turned to youtube and stumbled across Joyce Meyer's. She had a sermon called "What's your Mental Condition"? This one video spoke to my spirit soooo loudly. It did not fix my problem, but It got me to relax enough so I could reasonable think. She spoke about how we have power over our thoughts, and how the devil will attack us through our minds. He will attack us by applying fear and ANXIETY to prevent us from listening to GOD. She said that Satan sends us sick thoughts and causes confusion. None of this is of GOD. Joyce said that when we have an evil thought we should cast it out immediately and trust GOD. She said that the only way to do that replace those thoughts with GOD''s words. The way that we do that is to spend much more time with GOD.
There is one more video that brought me back to my senses! This one Creflo Dollar's "How to Cast out Fear"? He was much more graphic that Joyce, and that's just what I needed. He said that we should not worry or have fear not even for one minute. He also stated that the devil will attach on to you from sin, that's why God tells us not to sin right? The devil cannot attack if you don't open that door, he does not have permission. Sin let's him in is basically what he is saying. He starts with those tricky mind games and wants you to worry.
How am I now?
I knew all about these words way before I went through this battle but I must say that I have been slipping from GOD lately. I wake up in the morning and thank GOD......but that was it. I went straight to twitter, and then Instagram, and then back to twitter. I got off from work and went to the gym and listened to music that tells you to got and kill somebody, smoke this smoke that, and a have as much sex as you please. I go to my second job and listened to even more fifth while I cleaning the building. I go back home and sit next to my lady and get back on twitter again. Mind you most of my twitter friends are posting.... well posting stuff I shouldn't be looking at. Now after hearing and seeing this all day long, guess what thoughts came creeping in. Some of you might not agree and believe that I'm going to the extreme, but I believe that the devil will attack when you have fed your ears and eyes with sinful acts all day. If something is not of GOD, it is of the devil. We cannot give the devil an inch of our time or he is going to try to kill you with that inch. The devil will ride you enough to cause an heart attack. He needs something to feed off of, and we fall right into the trap.
So while I was going through my mental attack I started giving GOD more time, and eventually my mind began to relax. When I say more time I mean all day long! I exchanged all of that listening to crap music, watching crap tv, and saying awful things for things of GOD. I feel soooo much better and its only been 1 day since my breakthrough. We have to really learn how to leave the things of the devil alone. I noticed that more and more and more people are claiming anxiety, depression, and all types of fear. It's not by accident you guys, its not just an imbalance guys, this Satan dude is a beast. He literally wants to defy GOD by leading us astray. We have to learn to truly put GOD FIRST in everything that we do to cast this Beast out. If you are on meds and its working please stay on them, but please don't forget GOD. I wrote this in a bit of a hurry and left out a few details, but if you feel like talking or want to go deeper, please DM me on twitter or shoot me an email. Peace and Love!!!